Anger or Holmberg

Hey, let's play a game. I'll list several quotations below, and you tell me whether they're the work of fictional Weekly World News columnist Ed Anger or the sadly actual Times-Dispatch columnist Mark Holmberg. Answers later.

1. On the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina:

   I'M MAD AS HELL at the opportunism and raw thuggery that complicated rescue efforts in New Orleans. It has cost lives, inflamed a wide range of passions and made the entire nation look like spoiled barbarians. Sure, some of the looting was necessary, but WHAT GIVES THOSE SCUM THE RIGHT TO RUN WILD?

   
   
2. On evolution:

   If we teach children that everything the Bible says is dead wrong and to believe a bunch of cold-blooded scientists with microscopes instead, then is it any wonder that every time you turn on the TV, you hear that some nerd has just gone on a shooting spree at school or that teen pregnancy is skyrocketing through the roof?

   
   
3. On The Passion of the Christ:

   If Jesus had come in these times, would his fate have been any different? Hardly. The often mindless, self-absorbed nature of our society can be summed up symbolically in those bumper stickers that proclaim, "I'm spending my children's inheritance."

   
   
4. On Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction:

   I'm mighty glad the FCC has launched a full-scale obscenity investigation, but that's not enough. Our society is being destroyed by this godless sleaze.

   
   
5. On the Catholic church scandals:

   Not only do pedophile priests get a free ride, courtesy of "understanding" bishops, but celebrities who violate our children are allowed to walk the streets free for years -- even after the whole world knows their dirty little secret.

   
   
6. On school violence:

   But, alas, the famous sleuthing brothers of Bayport would likely have to undergo anger-management counseling in today's sissified climate of zero tolerance for any kind of hormonal expression. ... But we're teaching our children to be yellow, aren't we?